Freaking out . . .

I hate that this template doesn't have a title field. How else will I make a cohesive post without a way to blatantly state my thesis?

So I took my 7th and final full-length practice MCAT this morning/afternoon and didn't score as well as I had hoped. It came as no surprise since I was tired, hungry, and cold. I must remember to take a sweater with me that day and possibly gloves. Who can think when you're losing sensation to your fingers?

It's still somewhat surreal that after avoiding this test since 1993 or so, it is now just days away. After my practice test on Saturday, on which I got my second highest score, I was ready and pumped. Now I am a little deflated (well, my ego is) but I think I can recover by Friday. The good thing is that I still have Wednesday off.

All I pray for is a score that I can live with. Here is breakdown:

Under 28: Find me some rope so I can hang myself

28-29: This is the worst. So close, yet so far. I really hope to NOT be in this category because then I have to make a very difficult decision regarding whether or not it's worth applying with those scores. Chances are I'd take another year and retake next year and focus perhaps on TTC instead. Maybe I'd be better at that. Or heck, maybe I'd just go to music school and be broke forever. Trust me, I daydream about that option surprisingly often.

30-31: I will be quite content with either of these scores. Not quite stellar, but good enoguh.

32-34: This is where I feel like I have a good chance of falling. *crosses fingers* I will be quite happy if I end up here.

35 and above: Who knows? It could happen. I did hit a 36 on one of the practice test. Unlikely, but I will be estatic should this happen. I will have to find myriad ways to reward my brilliance (or luck).

My final averages from my practice tests is as follows:
VR 11.3
BS 9.7
PS 10.4
Total 31.4

Ugh. I am so dismayed by that Bio score. I don't know what's going on with that. My scores keep fluctuating between 8 and 12. So I have no clue where it will end up.

I feel pretty ok about hitting the 30 minumum as most of my scores were at least a 30, but as you see there is a possibility of me getting less than a 10 in any one section and that would royally suck. Then again I am focusing on the just as likely possibility of being near 11 on all sections, which would be way cool.

I am such an underachiever. I studied quite a decent amount but I am sure no where as much as I should have/could have. I know deep down that had I truly devoted myself 100% to this I could have been in the mid to high 30's. The issues was the total devotion. That's just not going to happen when all this stuff is competing with my passion. I have to be content with not being the very best, and I think that I am for the most part. It's just that somedays I feel like I am not really great at anything.

But that's the price I pay for doing this the way I am doing it, out of order. At least I will be able to do it, but my choices will be different from what they would have been had I done things right the first time around. My choices will be strongly influenced by my trying to keep my life as balanced as possible. Nothing wrong with that.

This blabbing is making me feel better. Good. Maybe I will take another practice test in chunks between now and Friday. Maybe not. All I know is that my countdown to freedom is now at 4! WOOT!