As soon as I clear up some of the other peoples' baggage in my life and take better control of my own, my med thoughts return. With my parents out of the country, my brother happy about that, and my mother-in-law with her plane ticket purchased, I now have the opportunity to think more about my own crap at least for a little while. Lo and behold, what's the first thing that pops into my mind? "I am superwoman, I CAN have it all. I CAN go to med school with a small infant and while still studying the oboe seriously." So delusional am I.

Well I am not going to fight anything for now. For now the Fall plan goes into effect regardless. I will take Biochemistry and Microbiology this coming semester, while working, playing, and exercising too. I need to prove to myself that I can make it work. Particularly the school bit. I still feel that if I can conquer my procrastination habits that I will be ok. The good thing is that this program has remotivated me in terms of learning science. I've learned enough to make me curious again and I want to excel in my classes.

I thought I had completely eliminated scientific research from my choices, but I guess I have not. We've been doing stuff with a more chemical slant this last week and I think that I do have enough interest in it potentially. However I also feel that due to time contraints that I need to choose one over the other (clinical vs. research). If I were 22 instead of 32 I'd definitely do MD/PhD. Now I need to choose one and for the most part I feel like I'd rather see patients. But there is something exhilirating about MAKING science. Something that resonates with me. It seems a better use of my strengths. But then again interest can trump that and I do still feel that diseases interest me more than even organic chemistry.

Oh well. I'm not out of the woods yet. But I am finally really looking for ways out.

Oh yeah the list:
1) MD/PhD (in an alternate universe)
2) MD (cause I could still do research with this)
3) PhD in Chemistry
4) PA (it's only so far down because I feel overconfident today)