I'm so undecided, I'm so undecided. I'm so undecided. Tralalalalaaaaaaaaa! I should make a real song out of this.

Today officially marks my most undecided-ness!! You know it's bad when you are trying to figure things out in your dreams. I spent most of the night discussing this with a friend. This morning I was talking about it with my husband during out commute in and that's when I realized that I am more confused than ever.

The idea of using scientific knowledge and applying it to clinical problems still appeals to me. There is something gratifying about someone coming to you with symptoms or abnormal labs and you figuring out what's wrong and dispensing care, whether than be through a therapeutic agent, surgery, or just talking. It's also cool if you understand exactly how such agent is supposed to work in the body. which receptors and pathways are involved. the chemical structure and function of the active ingredient. Then you have the gratification of knowing you improved that person's life. This is especially sweet if it's someone from an underserved community.

But at what point in the process do I want to be involved? Do I want to be the pharmacologist working on the drugs? Or the biologist who figured out which proteins are involves? Or perhaps there's something genetic going on? Maybe I could be a chemist? Or do I want to be the diagnostician? Or would I be happier working with my hands as some kind of surgeon?

I guess I feel slightly comforted by the fact that all these fields are actually intertwined. My problem has now shifted to where in the line do I want to function.
MD/PhD still seems cool because I could hit up the line at different points. But would it cost me my music? I can't imagine a happy life without it.

If I must choose one over the other, which should I choose? MD offers more options but again at what cost? My personality seems to be a better fit for PhD, but do I have enough interest in basic science?

Where will I make the most meaningful contributions? Where will I work most productively? Where will I be happiest day to day?

I need to pray ...

Oh yeah, the list:
(1) MD/PhD - for the reason I mentioned above
(2) MD - ditto
(3) PhD in Chemistry, Chem E., Pharmacology, or Path - one side of the continuum
(4) PA - the other side of the continuum
(5) MS in Chemistry to work in industry or teach
(6) Ed.D - I may as well throw everything in here
(7) PhD in Ethnomusicology - yeah let's bring it all back

The continuum:
|__________||________||______||_____||____|
Science PhD------MudPhud-------MD--------PA------Ed