I am freaking ridiculous. Why can't I just figure this out already?

After spending most of yesterday doing chemistry related experiments I suddenly felt as though I would miss out on something if I never again did research. There's something exiting about being on the cutting edge of science. As a kid I always wanted to be a physician but I also assumed that they were true scientists too. I didn't understand that medical doctors were not the same as doctors of science. So I thought that my days would include seeing patients and lab work with erlenmeyer flasks.

Now I know a lot more about these professions yet it's hard to let go of these childhood dreams. At first being a scientist seemed dull compared to the drama of an OR, ER, or clinic. But now that I've been exposed to life in the lab for two months I am already feeling nostalgic about it (even though I still have one more day here). There's something to be said for getting to TRULY work on science all day (as opposed to its applications).

Ahh, if I were young again (and in command of all I know now) I would certainly be applying MD/PhD to try to get the best of both worlds. Now I must make a difficult decision. A PhD in something like Chemical Engineering would put me on the cutting edge and offer opportunities in industry as well as academia. I know, I kept saying I wouldn't return to corporate, and it wouldn't be my ideal. But it would be an option if I wanted to have it. And it would have to be much better than what I did before because I (hopefully) would be working with other motivated people on stimulating work. But, I digress. The PA option would allow me to do clinical work in a comparatively short amount of time, letting me retake control of my life while still in my 30's. The MD option could potentially allow me to do both. But is clinical research as stimulating as basic science work? It seems not. They're not really coming up with any innovations. All the clinical papers I've seen are things like "I tried this drug on some patients" or "This drug also seems to do this to certain patients when the moon is full and Mercury is aligned to the Earth".

I want to pull my hair out! I guess I should be thankful that I have these choices. And, really, I am. But it doesn't make my decision any easier.

Ok back to my presentation for tomorrow.

List:
1. MD (cause I could do a bit o' everything)
2. PhD in Chem or Chem E.
3. PA