*yawn* The all-nighter so did not happen. Well, since I've only slept 4 hours each yesterday and today I guess that technically I *have* pulled something. Add up the hours as one day and the other day has no hours left!

The good news is I only have 1/3 of a lecture to still go over (Immunology). Then I can go back and review my notes and work on practice problems. That, sadly, is actually better than where I usuall am going into these tests. Chronic procrastination is such a bad thing. :( The good students pre-read the text before lectures. They also pre-read the lecture notes. Some take copious notes during lecture while others just listen. After lecture they make their own notes and go over some of the problems. Over the weekend they finish the problems for that lecture. So by the time exam time comes they've already learned all the material and focus on the extra practice problems we're given. Meanwhile I am usually going through new material the day of the test because I haven't bothered to read or look through lecture notes until a week before. UGH. I am so ashamed. Even me written here is just another form of procrastination. But it's cathartic too.

So yesterday after the Orgo final I had a really strong feeling that I shouldn't go to med school. That final was very intense and I could tell that my body was in major "stress" mode throughout. I almost tired out at the end but I made it. Studying for it was hard, especially the last two days where I did something crazy like 12+ hours. I realized though that it wasn't sooo horrible in retrospect. And if I could learn to pace myself all semester long then I'd be ok in a grad program. I'd have periods of intense stress that would eventually be followed by long reposes. However, medicine would be a lifetime of continual high stress. I am pretty sure that though I'd like my work I'd be miserable over all. My body can't handle it. Just as my beta receptors.

I was reading random blogs yesterday and I saw so many people that have full lives. They have meaningful work yet still have time to engage fully in hobbies. If I want to play a video game, damn it, I should be able to take an hour here and there to do something silly like that. Even as a premed I've had to give up so many things already. Maybe THAT'S why I've been feeling queasy about the whole thing all along. I have consciously thought about the sacrifices but they've been there. And this is only the beginning of what would happen.

I think I could be fulfilled as a scientist or ethnomusicologist or something. Maybe it *would* be ok to have to move around at the whim of academia. Hmmmm. I have to get over my unproductiveness first.

Official end-of-semester countdown: 9 hours!