I slept about 9 hours but to no avail. In fact I almost feel worse than yesterday. What the hell do I have?? My eyes are acting like I have conjunctivitis, but that alone wouldn't give me body aches and severe fatigue. Perhaps I have a bacterial infection (strep or staph) that migrated up and is also living in my upper respiratory tract. Nah, it's probably just some pesky virus. UGH!

Anyway . . . being sick puts me in a foul mood. And makes me wonder why I am doing all this to myself. Like my father keeps saying, I need to "nurse myself back to health". But how can I with the constant onslaught of tests and other school-related stressors.

I have three goals right now. To become the best oboist I can become, to have a successful career, and to become a mommy. Normally that's the order of priority. But I have to admit that the clock is definitely ticking! I've now started dreaming about babies at least a few times a week. And since I am pretty sure that my malaise is school related a part of me wishes I could just relinquish the career goal. If we could set things up financially so that I wouldn't need to make tons of money I could just stay home for a bit and focus on my oboe and a baby. Oh dear, I think these are the hormones talking. Because I know that if I never achieve anything careerwise that I will feel unfulfilled. But would that really be the case were I to have a happy family and a fruitful amateur oboist "career"?

I do love science though. I just wish it didn't take everything out of you!